Am I the only one?



Now firstly let’s get one thing straight. I have not been celibate all my life, in the same way that a monk wasn’t born a monk. Yes I can honestly say that during the periods when I have engaged in the act of sexual intercourse that there are many differing tales ranging from love to absolute humour and I would say that the two can mix together rather well too. Who hasn’t ended in hysterics with their partner during the act at some point?

The issue that has always really got me is where I am quite happy to admit those periods when there is no activity; and yet I have noticed a rather odd reaction to, I reckon, most people. Blokes seem to be the worst but I have certainly come across quite a number of women who are unable “to keep it in their pants” and seem not to understand how a person could go without. I use that particular phrase because it is a very good woman friend of mine, who I shall refer to as Ruby (made up name!), who came out with it one day. We were sitting in her house at the time and just putting the world to rights, as friends do, when she suddenly said to me, “Scaley, if I were a guy then no doubt you would be telling me that I really should be keeping it in my pants!” Well, the conversation had been about the latest “thing” she had got herself into and as we are best mates (we still keep in touch even though we live hundreds of miles apart) she had admitted to me (no one else, even boyfriends!) that her biggest problem was that she “liked the chase” (even if she happened to be with someone at the time!) But that’s what mates do isn’t it? They chat and tell each other secrets amongst other stuff! This is not to say that my friend has never loved, I’ve seen her head over heels and completely smitten a couple of times. Her biggest problem was that she would get bored and yet for this seemingly insatiable appetite with lots of different partners, she could also understand quite easily, why I would be quite happy to go without when I was between relationships. She certainly got her fair share and probably a little more on top.

This mate time happened often and the two of us were constantly, it seemed, having to explain how we were just friends and that there was no hanky-panky going on. I also found that blokes generally had the biggest problem with platonic friendships between the opposite sexes. They often used to accuse us of having a bit with each other because we were apparently joined at the hip. A lot of them fancied her (which they admitted to me!), although funnily enough if I took her to these people’s houses and asked them to say the same thing to her face, then they would get either embarrassed or angry that I had even said anything at all about the subject to Ruby, who is in actual fact my mate, not just a girl! They were often of the opinion that it was “lad” talk and I shouldn’t be sharing it with girls.

 Now this pretty much makes me come to that typical bloke syndrome, as I have heard guys in their groups and how they view women. Things like, “O that bird over there” or “She’s single she’ll appreciate it,” amongst many more that I’m sure many people have heard (even though they may not admit to it, let alone say it!) Not all of us admittedly, we’re not all bad, but I have often heard women too say things like,”So and so’s a right wanker, it’s just that he’s sooo hot and a bad boy.” The nice guy finishes last again and I have even had said to me in the past, “I think you’re a great bloke but I wouldn’t go out with you because it’d be like being with my brother!” Now that one is an absolute killer, especially when you fancy the pants off the person saying it, but I personally would prefer honesty so, “I don’t fancy you” would be far easier to swallow. It would seem a classic case of damned if you do and damned if you don’t, but again this can happen to the girl too as I have seen with my own eyes guys reject an absolute gem of a girl just because she is such a goody two shoes. Now the real crux, for me in a guy position, comes when a group of us are sitting around shooting the shit when someone asks THE question, “Anyone getting any then?” Most guys will start bragging about all the sex they’re having and some will even lie about it (and as I said with my friend women are just as guilty sometimes!). There’s often one who is having far more than he should I.E. he’s cheating on his serious girlfriend, quite possibly (probably?) multiple times, but if somebody dares to admit that he hasn’t had any sex for a substantial time period then the looks of horror and incredulity will suddenly fill the room like a sonic boom. Silence can be quite deafening. I can even remember when at age twenty how I dared to admit that I was still a virgin. Oh my God, what was I thinking and how did I get stared at, as if I was a leper or something equally as abhorrent. In that particular group I remember vividly one of our number suddenly announcing how he had lost his virginity at 11 years old and I know for a fact that no one in that room believed him, but nothing was said! No, all eyes are suddenly on me for the admission of being a twenty year old virgin (despite the fact that I had had some action which two people in that room knew about, I just hadn’t done that one little thing!) One of the chaps even asked me if there was something wrong with me almost as if I had a medical problem or something. In my innocence and pure unadulterated honesty I made him quite speechless when I looked him square in the eye and asked him what he meant. Funny really because even though he was sure that I had the problem, he didn’t have a question forthcoming for me. I will admit here that I once lied about this condition at school when I was fourteen. I am an extremely honest person and have never learnt how to lie convincingly so this is probably the reason why I have never got into that habit. Some people do though don’t they. My friend I mentioned earlier has far too much of an affinity for it which is probably why she didn’t have too many qualms about her infidelities, she certainly had a bloody good poker face! I on the other hand was unfaithful just once in my life with a past girlfriend and ended up confessing all over just a snog! Whether you believe that or not, it’s all true (I’m sure that I’m not the only honest one left in the world, am I?) and I was in the dog house for weeks for it, but I say deservedly so as people shouldn’t be unfaithful, even for just kissing. What’s wrong with being true to one another, because if you feel the need to stray, then something obviously isn’t right and at the end of the day if sex isn’t happening at home then there must be a reason as it won’t be forever. After all, no means no and everything comes to those who wait doesn’t it? The serious relationships I’ve been in I know that my partners appreciated me going without and waiting for them. It’s even been the other way around a couple of times, blokes can go off it too you know!  I have even got myself into trouble for rumbling affairs and then going to tell the unknowing party what is happening behind their back. I do confront the guilty parties first and a couple of times had them say that I must be jealous for the fact I’m not getting any as the reason to stir up trouble. They always get a them a time limit though, but if they exceed that, it’s surely not my fault that their partner finds out is it, even if I am the catalyst in that conclusion? So all I can say really is let all be au fait with their practices, live and let live, even if the practice happens to be abstinence.

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