I went down to my local town centre at the beginning of last week to go and get some cheap supplies, a very innocuous and mundane everyday life thing for just about all of us. I wanted tea and tobacco. The card point said AOK, but the till point was demanding my card. What? So I try and get cash from the cashpoint. It eats my card. At this exact moment I am feeling very angry as I know that there is almost £300 in the account.

I find out the next day that HSBC are in fact closing my account and that they had given me two months notice. I didn’t read that letter properly. Speed reading can be a good skill learned at uni but sometimes we really should just glance back to see if we have actually read the content. Now with hindsight (that’s always 20-20 innit?) I realise that I did actually know, but had deleted the information. I had probably convinced myself that they would say,”There there, it’s only a little thing, so we’ll let you off this once don’t do it again.” Apparently they’re policy on Basic Bank accounts is that if you make an error on three DDs in a year they shut the account.

Now my old behaviour would usually have me going off to my alone place and just dissociating from everything. But for a change I caught myself in the present moment and did something different. Instead of going home and watching loads of re runs of some seasonal tv crap that I will no doubt have viewed on numerous occasions, I went across the road and made an appointment in another bank to open an account. I then went for a walk to clear my head. Upon arriving home, now not feeling angry and pissed off, I then set about ringing, emailing and basically letting my bills (creditors?) know what had happened. I felt pretty damned pleased with myself as rather than bury my head in the sand (in years gone by this would undoubtedly been a sea of alcohol, glad I stopped that in 2002) I actually set about rectifying the situation. So an old dog can learn new tricks it would seem. I actually get what the “present moment” is now. This is where we change outcomes.

I learned this doing a counselling course and sort of understood the concept but not quite, like a child watching a mechanic, knowing he’s fixing the car but can’t quite figure the dynamics. So really, now that I have caught myself properly in the present moment, I have to catch myself when I am dissociating from those times where I know that I want to write but instead come up with all the excuses not to. I can live in the present. I have seen myself do something different from the archaic behaviour that has governed my life so far. Now where is that flipping pen?!

Published by: Carl (I,Scalius) Peters

Got my degree at University of Cumbria (Lancaster) in English Lit and Creative Writing and now find how difficult it really is to make yourself write everyday. Hardest job in the world! Now a few years on I realise just how hard. Wordsworth was right, movement is so important to creativity...So a few years on now and over 50 walking football is seemingly the movement needed!

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